By OG Strain – Humor Section, The Plug’s Pages Magazine

Everybody who smokes weed is not a connoisseur.

Just because you smoke all day doesn’t make you an expert. That just makes you committed. There’s a difference.

In the same way every drunk ain’t a wine connoisseur… some people just grab the cheapest bottle with a twist cap and call it a celebration.

A connoisseur? That’s a different breed.

So how do you know?

Well…

You might be a cannabis connoisseur if…

• You wake up in the morning excited — not because of work, not because of money… but because it’s time for that wake-and-bake.
• Your favorite part of the day is coffee in one hand and cannabis in the other… and you treat that combo like a religious ceremony.
• At any given moment, you have 10 or more strains in your stash — and they’re not just thrown in a drawer like loose socks.
• You have them categorized like a dispensary menu: “Daytime,” “Nighttime,” “Creative,” “Movie Night,” “Don’t Text Your Ex,” etc.
• You research a strain like you’re writing a college thesis before you buy it. THC percentage, terpene profile, lineage, breeder history… you know more about that strain than your own family tree.
• You don’t just walk in and say, “Gimme whatever’s cheap.” Quality over quantity. Every time.
• Money isn’t the main question. The real question is, “Is it top shelf?”
• Your stash comes from multiple growers — and you know exactly who grew what, how it was cured, and why it smokes better than the last batch.
• You’ve had flower stuck to your beard, your hoodie, and somehow your elbow… and you didn’t even question how it got there.
• Your ashtray is overflowing with roaches… and not a single cigarette butt in sight.
• You’ve followed your nose in the woods thinking you found a hidden grow… and it turned out to be a skunk. You still respected it though.
• April 20th isn’t just a date. It’s your Super Bowl.
• You’ve rolled up joints specifically for a beach day like you were packing rations for a survival mission.
• You named one dog Dutchess and the other Indica… and yes, before you ask, that was actually my son Jake’s doing — those were the first two dogs he ever owned. I guess the apple didn’t fall far from the dispensary.
• Every budtender or plug greets you like family. “Ahhh, I knew you’d be back.”
• Your non-smoking friends don’t even associate cannabis with cannabis anymore… they associate it with YOU.
• If someone says, “Does anyone know about weed?” the whole room turns and looks at you.
• You’ve corrected someone’s pronunciation of “terpenes” without hesitation.
• You’ve said the phrase, “It’s the cure that really matters,” at least 15 times in one week.
• You’ve rejected perfectly good weed because it “didn’t burn white.”
• You’ve ever sniffed a jar, nodded slowly, and said, “Yeah… that’s got a nice nose on it,” like you’re judging a wine competition.
• You’ve described weed as having “notes of citrus with a peppery exhale and a smooth finish” and meant every word of it.
• You’ve planned your entire evening around what strain you’re smoking.
• You don’t just smoke — you EXPERIENCE.

Now let’s be clear…

There’s a difference between a weed snob and a cannabis connoisseur.

A snob brags.
A connoisseur appreciates.

A snob looks down on people.
A connoisseur educates them… then hands them something better.

Being a connoisseur isn’t about how much you smoke.
It’s about how much you care.

So if reading this made you laugh…
If you felt personally attacked…
If you looked at your 12 jars while nodding your head…

Congratulations.

You just might be a cannabis connoisseur.

— OG Strain
Strain’s Strain Reviews (Talk Cannabis)
Humor Section – The Plug’s Pages Magazine 🌿🔥

By OG Strain

There is a universal experience in cannabis culture that nobody talks about enough—probably because it hurts too much.

It starts innocent.
Peaceful.
Joyful.

You’re hanging out, laughing, vibing, talking weed like civilized adults. Then someone casually drops the words that make every terp lover’s heart flutter:

“Yo… you wanna do a dab?”

Now hold on.
Let’s pause right there.

Because when I hear that, my soul prepares itself. My taste buds stand at attention. I’m expecting flavor. Terpenes. A moment. A ceremony. Dabbing isn’t just consumption—it’s an event. It’s why concentrates exist. Nobody is dabbing to not taste anything. That’s insane behavior.

So naturally, I say yes.

Then… they walk away.

They come back.

And suddenly I’m staring at a dab rig that looks like it was used to summon demons in 2017 and never recovered.

A banger so chazzed it has layers. Geological layers. Archaeologists could carbon-date the scorch marks. I’ve seen barbecue grills cleaner than this thing. I’m not even sure it’s quartz anymore. It might be obsidian. Or a cursed artifact.

And just like that—the dream dies.

See, here’s the thing people forget:
Most concentrates are sitting at 4% terpenes or more. That’s the entire point. Dabbing is about flavor. If flower is a good song on the radio, dabs are the live concert with surround sound.

So what exactly are you tasting through a blackened, burnt, traumatized banger?

Because it’s not limonene.
It’s not gas.
It’s not fruit.

It’s burnt disappointment with notes of ashtray and poor life choices.

And what really sends me spiraling is this:
How is it 2026, and some of y’all still act like cleaning a banger is advanced rocket science?

A four-dollar box of Q-tips.
A bottle of 91% isopropyl alcohol.
Thirty seconds. Maybe forty if you’re high-high.

That’s it.

Dip. Swab. Respect the glass. Move on with your life.

I’ve had the same banger for over a year. It still looks brand new. Why? Because I clean it like a grown adult who understands that flavor is sacred. And yes, most of my glass has been budget glass—but I take care of it. That way, when I upgrade to quality American-made pieces, I already know how to treat them properly.

And trust me, that upgrade is coming. I need to link up with Paul Vidal at Goats of Glass, because I want rigs that perform. I want American-made glass. I want my terp pearls spinning like they’re auditioning for Cirque du Soleil. I want heat retention, flavor preservation, glow-in-the-dark wizardry—whatever they’re cooking up these days.

But here’s the part that needs to be said clearly, loudly, and for everyone:

If you are going to bring up dabs…
If you are going to offer dab hits…
If you are going to present yourself as “the dab person” in the room…

Your rig cannot look like it survived a house fire.

That’s not an invitation. That’s a warning.

Look, I’m a nice guy. I don’t yell at people. I don’t flip tables. But inside? Inside I am screaming. Because nothing hurts more than getting hyped for a dab and realizing you’re about to run premium terpenes through a flavor-murdering crime scene.

And before anyone says, “Well, it still gets you high”—
Congratulations. So does eating food off a dirty plate. That doesn’t mean you should do it.

So please—this is my public service announcement:

If you refuse to clean your banger…
If you refuse to clean your rig…
If you insist on living that chazzed-up lifestyle…

Stop offering people dab hits.

Keep that situation private.
Handle that at home.
Do not involve guests.

Because when you ask someone if they want a dab, you’re not just offering THC—you’re offering an experience. And if that experience includes burnt quartz, dead terps, and sadness?

That’s not hospitality.
That’s chaos.

And as OG Strain, I cannot—and will not—stand for it.

A Masterclass in Sniffing, Staring, and Getting (Responsibly) Baked

By OG Strain — Strain’s Strain Reviews (Talk Cannabis)

When people ask me, “OG Strain, how do YOU review cannabis so well?”
I laugh, because really, all I’m doing is following a scientific, highly researched, expertly calibrated process…
Step 1: I look at the weed.
Step 2: I smell the weed.
Step 3: I smoke the weed.
Step 4: I keep smoking the weed until I know what’s going on.

That’s it. That’s the formula. But since y’all want the details, let me break down the art of cannabis reviewing — OG Strain style.

⸻

1. LOOK AT IT — Because First Impressions Matter

The first thing I do when I review a strain is stare at it like it owes me money.

I’m checking:
    •    What color are the hues?
    •    Are the hairs bright orange, deep red, blonde, or looking like they just woke up late for work?
    •    Are there lots of trichomes?
    •    Does the bud look dense, fluffy, or like it was raised on creatine?

This is the part where you treat the nug like a piece of art.
Because let me tell you — some strains out here look like Michelangelo carved them himself…
Others look like someone mowed down a meadow and threw it in a jar.

You never know until you look.

⸻

2. SMELL IT — But Don’t Just Sniff the Bag

Everybody wants to stick their face in the bag and take a big ol’ WHOOF.
But listen… that’s amateur hour.

If you want the real terpene experience, you gotta crack the bud open and smell the inside. That’s where the magic lives.

When I’m sniffing a strain, I ask the important questions:
    •    Is it gassy like it wants to fight me?
    •    Is it fruity like it belongs in a smoothie?
    •    Is it vanilla, earthy, piney, or musty like an old basement where hazes like to hide?
    •    Does it smell like someone sprayed Febreze on a skunk? (This is a valid category.)

Terpenes tell a story — and I like to read that story with my nose.

⸻

3. TASTE IT — Because the Nose Might Be a Liar

After smelling it, I light it up and ask,
“Does it taste like it smelled… or is this strain lying to me?”

Sometimes the flavor matches perfectly.
Sometimes it tastes completely different.
Sometimes you take a hit and go,
“Why does this taste like chocolate? Who authorized this?”

That’s part of the adventure.

⸻

4. SMOKE UNTIL THE TRUTH REVEALS ITSELF

This is where the “science” gets serious.

I smoke a bowl…
Then another bowl…
Then another bowl…

Not because I want to — but because I have a responsibility to the community.
This is journalism.
This is sacrifice.
This is… research.

While I’m floating away like a helium balloon, I start asking the real review questions:
    •    Am I tired?
    •    Am I energized?
    •    Am I relaxed?
    •    Am I anxious?
    •    Do I suddenly want to reorganize my whole house?
    •    Do I want to fall asleep in the snack aisle at Walmart?

These questions tell me exactly what the strain is doing.

⸻

5. Final Thoughts — 11 Months In

I’ve only been reviewing cannabis strains for 11 months, but honestly?
I’ve improved a LOT.
My nose is sharper, my palate is better, my tolerance is questionable, and my comedic timing is elite.

But most importantly, I’ve learned how to give people real reviews that are:
✔ Honest
✔ Educational
✔ Entertaining
✔ And sprinkled with just enough 420 humor to keep the sesh fun

Because cannabis reviewing isn’t just about weed — it’s about connecting with the people who love it.

⸻

OG’S MESSAGE TO THE READERS

If you want to review cannabis like OG Strain, here’s your homework:
Look at it.
Smell it.
Taste it.
Smoke it until you know the truth.

And whatever you do…
Have fun with it.
Cannabis reviewing should feel like a good sesh with the homies — not a science exam.

Stay lifted, stay laughing, and stay tuned.
Your boy OG Strain will be back with more reviews, more heat, and more strains that may or may not taste like chocolate blueberries with a hint of lemon zest.