Humor
STASH & CONFUSED
An Official Inventory of OG Strain’s Remaining Weed, and Why My House Currently Smells Like a Cannabis Museum
By OG Strain
There comes a time in every cannabis connoisseur’s life when he must do the unthinkable.
Not pay taxes.
Not answer texts from that one guy who always says, “Yo bro, lemme sample that.”
Not even admit he accidentally torched half a blunt because he was too busy watching conspiracy videos about whether squirrels work for the government.
No.
I’m talking about the sacred ritual of conducting a full-blown stash inventory.
After the epic weekend in Palenville at The Growers Gathering, I found myself standing over my stash box like a confused dispensary manager during an audit.
I opened it.
And immediately got hit with enough terpene aroma to make my eyebrows file for workers’ comp.
At that moment, I realized two things:
I have entirely too much weed.
Somehow… still not enough.
So for the good people of The Plug’s Pages, I decided it was time for a full inventory report.
This is not financial advice.
This is not legal advice.
This is simply a public service announcement for anyone wondering what happens when OG Strain says, “I’m just gonna grab one thing.”
Spoiler alert: I never grab one thing.
I leave looking like a cannabis hoarder on an episode of Weed Buried Alive.
⸻
The Elders of the Stash: Buddah Bros
First up, we have the OG survivors.
These strains have been hanging around longer than that one friend who says he’s “about to leave” but somehow is still on your couch three hours later eating your snacks.
Dreamsicle
Still holding strong.
Smooth, flavorful, and honestly smells like if an orange creamsicle got accepted into art school and developed a superiority complex.
Gorilla Breath
This strain still hits like it’s personally offended by your existence.
One pull and suddenly I’m staring at my ceiling trying to remember whether I paid my electric bill in 2024.
Cheese
This one deserves respect.
First of all, naming weed “Cheese” is hilarious.
Nothing says premium cannabis like sounding like something your uncle keeps wrapped in wax paper in the fridge.
“Yo what you smoking?”
“Sharp cheddar, bro.”
Yet somehow this flower is gorgeous.
Cannabis naming conventions remain the greatest mystery known to man.
⸻
The Purple Queen: Stickman Body Care
Now let’s discuss one of my absolute favorites currently in the stash:
Purple Haze
Picked this beauty up at The Growers Gathering.
This flower is so visually stunning it honestly deserves its own security detail.
It looks like it should have a velvet rope around it.
You don’t smoke Purple Haze.
You schedule an appointment with it.
This stuff had me feeling philosophical.
I was outside asking myself deep questions like:
Do fish know they’re wet?
And:
Why do dispensary jars always open louder than a SWAT team breach?
⸻
The Dependable Duo: 4 Acres Farms
Still got:
Blueberry Muffin
This strain smells so good it should legally require nutritional facts.
Every time I open it, my brain gets confused.
Am I about to smoke?
Or am I about to gain 12 pounds?
OG Kush
The Michael Jordan of “I just need something solid.”
No gimmicks.
No weird futuristic name like “Galactic Dolphin Breath 9000.”
Just OG Kush.
Classic.
Reliable.
Like your favorite hoodie.
⸻
Higher Beings Powered by Hudson Valley Green: My Main Plug and My Ongoing Financial Collapse
Let’s just be honest.
At this point, Kevin and Danni should probably be listed as dependents on my tax return.
These folks consistently supply heat so ridiculous that every time I see them, my wallet starts shaking.
Current inventory includes:
Gumbo
Super Buff Cherry
Durban Poison
Frosted Churros
Super Lemon Kush
Delta Diamonds
Grape Truffle
MOB
Penzoil
Pineapple Express
Cheerios
Yes.
Cheerios.
Nothing says “premium exotic cannabis” like sounding like breakfast.
Imagine explaining that to a cop.
“No officer, I’m not impaired. I just smoked a bowl of Cheerios.”
The cold cure rosin situation is equally serious.
I’ve got:
Rainbow Belts
Some glorious peach-flavored dabs
Enough concentrate to make my torch feel overworked and underappreciated
Every dab session now begins with my torch looking at me like:
“Again? Bro, I’m tired.”
⸻
No Mountain Higher: The Plot Twist
Then came Bill from No Mountain Higher.
This man rolled up like cannabis Santa Claus.
Except instead of gifts for children, he brought terpy heat for grown adults with tolerance issues.
He handed me samples of:
Lemon G
ADK Lobster
Sherbtang
Mountain Lobster
PC35
Blueberry Lobster
Big Apple Kush
Blueberry Muffin
Sub Zero
And then casually tossed in some Space Egg Hash, like that’s a totally normal sentence.
“Here’s some Space Egg Hash.”
Sir.
That sounds less like cannabis and more like contraband from Area 51.
So far I’ve tried:
Sub Zero
Big Apple Kush
ADK Lobster
A little of the Space Egg Hash
And I’m here to report:
This is absolutely serious top-shelf smoke.
The wildest part?
Much of this flower is grown outdoors.
OUTDOORS.
Which is honestly disrespectful to half the indoor growers out here charging luxury apartment prices.
This outdoor flower looks so good it has indoor flower checking itself in the mirror asking:
“Am I… enough?”
Bill and the crew at No Mountain Higher are absolutely bringing heavyweight genetics to the table.
Real contender status.
No exaggeration.
⸻
Current State of the Stash
At this point, my stash box has become less of a stash box and more of a cannabis United Nations summit.
Every time I open it, the strains are basically arguing.
Purple Haze is being elegant.
Cheerios is trying to explain why breakfast-themed weed is legitimate.
Space Egg Hash is sitting quietly in the corner looking extraterrestrial.
And Gorilla Breath is just intimidating everybody.
Meanwhile I’m standing there like a proud but overwhelmed father.
⸻
To My Facebook Family
I know I’ve been absent.
And trust me, I miss y’all too.
I haven’t forgotten about the people who supported me, laughed with me, shared my reviews, and rocked with Strain’s Strain Reviews (Talk Cannabis) from day one.
I hope to be back soon.
But until then, if you really want to connect, collaborate, or just keep up with the madness, don’t wait around for Zuckerberg to get his act together.
The summer social calendar is filling up FAST.
The festivals are coming.
The collaborations are stacking.
The smoke is smoking.
And the real ones know where to find me.
Catch me on X (formerly Twitter) @ogstraincontent
The people who really want to build, connect, and collaborate always find a way.
⸻
Follow OG Strain on X: x.com/ogstraincontent