You Might Be a Cannabis Connoisseur If…

By OG Strain – Humor Section, The Plug’s Pages Magazine

Everybody who smokes weed is not a connoisseur.

Just because you smoke all day doesn’t make you an expert. That just makes you committed. There’s a difference.

In the same way every drunk ain’t a wine connoisseur… some people just grab the cheapest bottle with a twist cap and call it a celebration.

A connoisseur? That’s a different breed.

So how do you know?

Well…

You might be a cannabis connoisseur if…

• You wake up in the morning excited — not because of work, not because of money… but because it’s time for that wake-and-bake.
• Your favorite part of the day is coffee in one hand and cannabis in the other… and you treat that combo like a religious ceremony.
• At any given moment, you have 10 or more strains in your stash — and they’re not just thrown in a drawer like loose socks.
• You have them categorized like a dispensary menu: “Daytime,” “Nighttime,” “Creative,” “Movie Night,” “Don’t Text Your Ex,” etc.
• You research a strain like you’re writing a college thesis before you buy it. THC percentage, terpene profile, lineage, breeder history… you know more about that strain than your own family tree.
• You don’t just walk in and say, “Gimme whatever’s cheap.” Quality over quantity. Every time.
• Money isn’t the main question. The real question is, “Is it top shelf?”
• Your stash comes from multiple growers — and you know exactly who grew what, how it was cured, and why it smokes better than the last batch.
• You’ve had flower stuck to your beard, your hoodie, and somehow your elbow… and you didn’t even question how it got there.
• Your ashtray is overflowing with roaches… and not a single cigarette butt in sight.
• You’ve followed your nose in the woods thinking you found a hidden grow… and it turned out to be a skunk. You still respected it though.
• April 20th isn’t just a date. It’s your Super Bowl.
• You’ve rolled up joints specifically for a beach day like you were packing rations for a survival mission.
• You named one dog Dutchess and the other Indica… and yes, before you ask, that was actually my son Jake’s doing — those were the first two dogs he ever owned. I guess the apple didn’t fall far from the dispensary.
• Every budtender or plug greets you like family. “Ahhh, I knew you’d be back.”
• Your non-smoking friends don’t even associate cannabis with cannabis anymore… they associate it with YOU.
• If someone says, “Does anyone know about weed?” the whole room turns and looks at you.
• You’ve corrected someone’s pronunciation of “terpenes” without hesitation.
• You’ve said the phrase, “It’s the cure that really matters,” at least 15 times in one week.
• You’ve rejected perfectly good weed because it “didn’t burn white.”
• You’ve ever sniffed a jar, nodded slowly, and said, “Yeah… that’s got a nice nose on it,” like you’re judging a wine competition.
• You’ve described weed as having “notes of citrus with a peppery exhale and a smooth finish” and meant every word of it.
• You’ve planned your entire evening around what strain you’re smoking.
• You don’t just smoke — you EXPERIENCE.

Now let’s be clear…

There’s a difference between a weed snob and a cannabis connoisseur.

A snob brags.
A connoisseur appreciates.

A snob looks down on people.
A connoisseur educates them… then hands them something better.

Being a connoisseur isn’t about how much you smoke.
It’s about how much you care.

So if reading this made you laugh…
If you felt personally attacked…
If you looked at your 12 jars while nodding your head…

Congratulations.

You just might be a cannabis connoisseur.

— OG Strain
Strain’s Strain Reviews (Talk Cannabis)
Humor Section – The Plug’s Pages Magazine 🌿🔥